cry

you know that feeling?

when you’re about to cry?

where your stomach caves in

and your lungs feel like they are filled with cement.

Your only thought is

“what

have I

done?”

were all you want

is to go back in time

and fix

EVERYTHING.

where you wish with every fiber of your being

that you could set

this right.

slowly

slow

a lazy smile slides across your face

the glint of your eyes

head on shoulder in the car

the briefest of moments

when you lose sight of her

but she’s right behind you

elusive still

and barely out of sight.

Even when she’s crying

and she’s away and your soul is dying

the feeling is still there.

no matter the distance or the time

whether a day or a week

no time without her is bearable.

but when you look her in the eyes

and you feel her heartbeat when you hug

or when your hands are glued together

and her hair falls across her face

time

seems

to

slow.

starsstruk

WHEN YOU WERE BORN

THE STARS FELL FROM THE SKY IN CELEBRATION

AND LANDED IN YOUR BLUEST EYES.

THEY GLISTEN

WITH SHARDS OF SILVER AND GOLD.

THE WISDOM IN YOUR FACE

SHOWS YOU’RE CARING AND BOLD.

YOUR HAND IN MY HAND

OUR SOULS INTERTWINED

THE BEATING OF YOUR HEART

WHISPERS

“YOU’RE MINE.”

so i need you

why dont you notice me?
in the halls?
in the classes?

i've been replaced and you didnt even care.
well it was to be expected.

being funny isnt as important as looks apparently.
whatever.
its your choice.

bye

guys

whats up with that?
all the guys say they want something new in high school but they dont.
they want the skinny little aroepostal girls.
they confuse me.

one minute caring nice and funny,
the next
mean and crule.
maybe its just me.

but they are so different.
i can see why they dont understand girls.

we change too much and too often.
but guys are supposed to be our only constants,
strong and silent,
protecting us.

bullshit!!!
we girls can hold our own.
yeah its nice to have someone's arms around you.
or to have someone to sit with at lunch.
we need our time to goof off or to do something dumb.

but we still need you.


so listen every once and a while will you.

=/

yeah its true
that i still think about you
but you know what?
i dont care anymore.
yeah it helps when im lonely and ive got no way to cheer myself up,
to think.
hey maybe once he though i was worth the time.

but lately reality has just face-pushed that idea into a big bag of flaming dog shit.

yeah.
my life in a nutshell

last night

i will say this....calmly...and slowly.....
i...am...not...a...path...to...manhood.

thanks thats all

oh and matt?

your brother and his friends are dicks.

atreyu
bullet for my valentine, bring me the horizon,blink-182
coldplay,colbie callat
devil wears prada, dashborard confessional
evenescene (did i spell it right?),eminem,escape the fate
fray,the
good charlotte,gorillaz,green day
H.I.M, hellogoodbye
i an ghost, iron and wine
jimi hendrix, john mayer
kanye west,keller williams
led zeppelin,lettuce, lonely island,linkin park
medenski,martin and wood,my chemical romance, mychildren mybride
nice&smooth
offspring,owl city,oysterhead
panic!at the disco,paramore,papa roach,pink floyd, phish
queen
red hot chili peppers, red jumpsuit apparatis, rise against
system of a down, seether
tenacious D,third eye blind, three days grace
underoath
v
weezer
x
yuletide singers
z
who are your favorite bands?

re. sorry

alright everyone *makes megaphone with hands* LISTEN UP!!!!!!!!!
this is another list of apologies;
nicole; for gabe and that you'll miss 4th o' july here (have fun w/ paramore)
helen; for you being sick at the party ....you really didn't miss much
savanah;umm.... i dont know.... that high schools scary???
gabe;for missing nicole and putting up with "omg what should i wear?!?"
maddy; that nate's moving and that your dad's in your school now (i dont know if thats a bad thing but...
mike; for not thanking you
gina; for tony and the arrogence he has...among other things
and everyone; im sorry i've been whining so much lately!
ps. yearbooks suck

stupid

god im an idiot.
thinking you would ever like me.
god i should have listened to my friends.
they were right about you.

to all the girls who hope and pray for (plagues) true love,
trust me.
there is no such thing.
all guys are mean and crule and by some trick of fate, if you find one who breaks the mold,
i congratulate you.
Plainly;Men Suck= pms!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sorry.

damn, i was such a fool.
so thanks to all the girls and the few guys who told me it would hurt in the end and that he was a jackass.
i should have listened

well this is scary

you wouldnt dare.

re. friends

i hate this.
i hurt myself by worring about hurting others.
i try to tell you but you just wont listen.
what does "just friends" mean?
because i have a feeling our meanings are different.

how can you love someone, worship someone, btu have them hate you for it?
haw can i live in this mess i've created?

you promised you'd be ther and no matter how much i scream,
no matter how much i beg,
you wont listen to me anymore.


" they say love is around every corner. Well fuck that , this must mean im going in circles."

hypocrite

a
am
I

We will never sleep

Cause sleep is for the weak

And we will never rest

Till we're all fucking dead

We will never sleep

Cause sleep is for the weak

And we will never rest

Till we're all fucking dead

We will never sleep

Cause sleep is for the weak

And we will never rest

Till we're all fucking... dead

We will never sleep

Cause sleep is for the weak

And we will never rest

Till we're all fucking... dead

We will never sleep

Cause sleep is for the weak

And we will never rest

Till we're all fucking dead

We will never sleep

Cause sleep is for the weak

And we will never rest

Till we're all fucking dead

I refuse

I refuse

I refuse

To close my eyes

I have loved

And I have lost

I have turned

And I tossed

I have listened

I have watched

I have gave into this for long enough

I have lost and I have loved

Sleep had stolen far too much

So don't close your eyes

Not just yet

Sleep is just a cousin of death

I've said it before and I'll say it again

If you think you're alive

Then you're better off dead

I've said it before and I'll say it again

If you think you're alive

Then you're better off... (dead)

I've said it before and I'll say it again

If you think you're alive

Then you're better off (dead)

I've said it before and I'll say it again

If you think you're alive

Then you're better off... dead

I have loved

And I have lost

I have turned

And I have tossed

I have listened

I have watched

I have gave into this for long enough

I have lost and I have loved

Sleep had stolen far too much

So don't close your eyes

Not just yet

Sleep is just a cousin of death

So throw your diamonds in the sky

We'll stay gold forever

I can promise you one thing

So throw your diamonds in the sky

We'll stay gold forev...

I can promise you one thing

Death will take us all

I can promise you one thing

Death will take us all

We're all going to hell

We may as well go out in style

Death is a promise

And your life is a fucking lie

We will never sleep

Cause sleep is for the weak

And we will never rest

Till we're all fucking dead

We will never sleep

Cause sleep is for the weak

And we will never rest

Till we're all fucking dead

I refuse

I refuse

I refuse

To close my eyes

You better pray

Because

You be the anchor that keeps my feet on the ground.

The piano knows something i don't, so

Don't trust me.

Wonderboy,

On wings of integrity.

Sound of separation

in

The darkest night

Forever

From heads unworthy

We’re not gonna take it

Because

Dimonds arnt forever

Word to the wise

Sleep with one eye open

Because

The sadness will never end.

But maybe I will find the courage;

I wanna rock

the battle between good and evil

Alone,

She sits.

Weighted down by her fears and her dreams.

Who will help her rise?

When the world goes to hell

And no one’s left standing,

Will he regret everything?

Ruining her life

And never understanding,

She was always more than ordinary.

She was the bringer of hope and compassion, of humor and love

She was the goddess of “I’m not making a move” and worrying about BHS

But we, her cohorts who she created from humanities sins,

Stood loyal as time and time again,

The evil sorcerer struck mighty blows to her soul.

How could we have stood by and watched her fall?

The first two were the bravest (if I don’t say so myself)

Gabriel and fire bonded together,

To protect their mistress,

For it was she who had given them a purpose in this world.

They were shunned by the other “perfect” angels and elementals,

But they knew that the only way was to cast off the shackles that had been branded into their conscious.

Gabriel managed to do this without hesitation,

But fire was more susceptible to the pressure of others.

The goddess showed her how to be herself,

No matter how ugly it was.

The only way for us to win this war,

We must let our trust in each other be strong…but

The goddess must also

Find the courage in her to be who she truly is.

The Trouble With Butterflies

One fine spring day i was walking, quite alone,

when a butterfly flitted by,

i stuck out my hand and beconed him to land,

when it did so i looked around for a nother butterlfy in withc to mate it,

when i didnt find one i sat down and ate it.

sorry

im sorry;
nicole; for stealing your "rock climbing gear"
tony; for everything
gina; that everyone's out to get tony
olivia; for being angry about the dance
josh; for 5th grade
helen;im sorry that tony's mean and that your hamster died
maddy; that nate's moving
savanah; about the stupidity of boys
gabe; that
alex; that you... have to put up with me and nicole

So clever, whatever,
I'm done with these endeavors.
Alone I walk the winding way.
It's over, no longer, I feel it growing stronger.
I'll live to die another day, until I fade away
Why give up, why give in?It's not enough, it never is.So I will go on until the end.We've become desolate.It's not enough, it never is.So I will go on until the end.Surround me, it's easy to fall apart completely. I feel you creeping up again. It's over, no longer,
I feel it growing colder. I knew this day would come to end, so let this life begin
Why give up, why give in?
It's not enough, it never is.
So I will go on until the end.We've become desolate.
It's not enough, it never is.But I will go on until the end.
I've lost my way.I've lost my way, but I will go on until the end.

Living is hard enough without you fucking up

Why give up, why give in?It's not enough, it never is.So I will go on until the end.We've become desolate.It's not enough, it never is.But I will go on until the end.I've lost my way.I've lost my way, but I will go on until the end.The final fight I win,the final fight I win,the final fight I win, but I will go on until the end

He is everything...maybe

I built walls on the outside
to protect whats on the inside.

i am tough with misttrust
covered in iron,steer,and barbed wire of my own design.

Feeling no pain but for the
dull rythmic beating from my chest.

strong

i satnd wtih feelings that crash up inside me,
i just want to help,
but held within these
wall's i've built

i am alone.

As i stand on the inside
they're on the out,
begging to be let in.
but my fortress is inpenitrable
.


legends have been built and guesses made about what's inside,

and i would break down my walls if not for the scorn that i would meet
for the last time i opended up,
i fell too hard,
and now i am asking for help to break frre of my heven, of my hell.

fake guns pointed to heads,

pretend knives on our wrists,

boredom has many flavors;

suicide,
homicide,
death by bomb...you get the picture.

but while we are hamming it up in here,

people are actually doing that.

and the reality of that situation
makes me want to cry.

stop thinking and just,
for once,
act on your impulse.

dont sit there waiting for her to fall to your feet begging for you to love her back,
because we alll know that she won't.
take a risk

because if you don't, you'll regret it for the rest of your life.

love

sometime i think life would be so much easier
if life had a soundtrack.

that way we could know when dangers was going to happen or when he would profess his love...


but then again i wish i was skinny and pretty

alone

the hard brick against my back

watching them blissfully

turn around in continuous circles

and for the breifest of moments...

the world

feels

right

but then there is always that look of happiness on his face

because he's with her

that puts a knife in my chest

and

they dont even know it

screw this

sorry i wasn't pretty enough for you....

olivia....I'm not mad at you

Music

When someone asks for your i-pod, how do you respond?

cuz i normally am very protective of my i-pod and dont let many people touch it.

cuz my ipod is the metaphorical window to my soul.

when people tell me my music sucks, i will take offense.

duh.

its part of me.

other people pick music that the popular kids like.

i choose music that speaks for me.

so when you take my i pod think before you diss my soul.

thanks

god.

boys are so stupid.

they only care about our bodies and then some

WE ARE MORE THAN WALKING BOOBS!!!!!!!!

get it through your thick skulls

just ask her out already.

"the touch of glass on my skin
let all the words that were said
now and then
sink in
his name carved into the marble beings he has created
and how can we live to let life be hollow
safe
endless
when ghouls and deamons haunt my grave
how will we respond
for this mindless violence has not worked
and our world needs so much more

when all we can find pleasure in is our
dark desire
how could we cope with the loss of our lives
for he has brought this
all down apon us
our undefended minds
and joyless
souls

*yawn* ( arm reach casually over shoulder)

"aiden..."

"what? im trying to get gabe to make a move"

(a few seats over)

"alex..."

"what?"

"she's making a move on my girlfriend...what should i do?"

"*shrug"

"thanks... thats real helpful"

have you ever

have you ever found that certain someone?

who knows all about you

and tries to help

?

but when their attempts fail

because of that one stupid night

when all i could see was his smile

and then he called me a freak

among other things

while in that phase from almost pupa to semi-caterpillar

i learned all i needed to know about him.

ha-ha-haha-ha!

sorry had to get that out of my system

love

whats the use

?

i'll never be as pretty as those girls in magazines

and that really shouldn't matter

but being the dateless wonder for a year and a half really makes you see life thru a new perspective

when i hangout w/ ma friends they are safe and secure in the arms of someone who loves them

while im on the outside looking in

on a world i don't belong to.

and all the sorry's wont heal the cuts i have

oopsie's wont fix my broken spirit

and for all thoes awkward times were i've longed for his embrace

the reality was like a smack to the face.

im not pretty enough for him

and as much as they say it shouldnt matter

deep down ....we all know it does.

This whole routine is getting old

So am I and so are you.

My reputation lets me know I can do whatever I want to

Though it seems that you believe you can do whatever it is you please

Not before, not before you wind up on your knees.

(Don't cry to me no more)

You like the way that people stare at you now

You look so fake, just thought that you should know

And you're all the same and when the curtain drops down

You'll be replaced by something typical.

You set yourself up to be sold.

And that's okay cause that's your role.

Manipulation takes it toll.

What will you do when nobody wants you?

Though it seems that you believe you can do whatever it is you please

Not before, not before you wind up on your knees.

(Don't cry to me no more)

You like the way that people stare at you now

You look so fake, just thought that you should know

And you're all the same and when the curtain drops down

You'll be replaced by something typical.

I know I've stood so long beside you

And I know I should have left you right where I had found you

I know I stood so long beside you

And I've know I should have left you right where I had found you

You like the way that people stare at you now

You look so fake, just thought that you should know

And you're all the same and when the curtain drops down

You'll be replaced by something typical.

You like the way that people stare at you now

You look so fake, just thought that you should know

And you're all the same and when the curtain drops down

You'll be replaced by something typical.

hell with it

i
love
him.
and he doesn't even kno i exist

my parents are running my life with chains and whips and grounding
"you shouldn';t hang out with this person"
"are you still single"
how are you feeling"
like they care.





ps "IM NOT MAKING A MOVE"

sick

everyone is sick.
which sucks
when your bestfriend is dieing on you're sholder

Its time to let go

The world's got a funny way of turning 'round on you

When a friend tries to stab you right in the face

Losing faith in everything I thought I hoped I knew

Don't sweat it, set a false pretense

Betray, you're not gonna be willing to change

Yeah, and it doesn't seem likely to fade

Betray, you're not gonna be willing to change

Ca-ca-ca-cause you know

In Sacrifice

False Pretense, you'll learn again

Stop pretending, don't deny

False Pretense, you'll learn again

All along you know you thought you got the best of me

You were wrong and I'm laughing right in your face

I can not believe you claimed you were my family

Don't sweat it, set a false pretense

Betray, you're not gonna be willing to change

Yeah, and it doesn't seem likely to fade

Betray, you're not gonna be willing to change

Ca-ca-ca-cause you know

In Sacrifice

False Pretense, you'll learn again

Stop Pretending, don't deny

False pretense, you'll learn again

Guitar

(claps)

It's time to let it go

I can't seem to understand it how you turned out to be so cold

You tried but were caught red-handed, are you happy with your role?

It's funny to me how you've turned into such a joke

In Sacrifice

False Pretense, you'll learn again

Stop Pretending, don't deny

False pretense, you'll learn again

So play-ay-ay the game until you run out

And play-ay-ay the game into my hand

your always looking back

running from the past
You're always sweating me
about the next big heart attack
you're looking over your shoulder
staring down the path

im falling down
falling down
falling down

-chorus- x2
It's in your head
all the voices mistaken
(shake it off, shake it off)
We're all dying in the end

I'd never find the evidence so horrible
(so horrible)
To clear my thoughts
I drill a hole into my skull
clean up my brains
sweep them underneath the rug
I needed them more than I needed
any other drug

Im falling down
falling down
falling down

-chorus- x 2

Come on!

Im falling down
falling down
falling down

-chorus- x 2

HEY! [said a few times]

hahahahhahah@ me

Sliver clad feet on the pavement of my heart
Another corny shitty poem dedicated to you
But you’ll never know.
For all I hold dear to me are my lies my truths and my
Love. If only you knew of the pain you caused
The scars that I inflicted sometimes run deeper than my skin.
No matter how many times I say it;
I love you
I luv u
Luvs
You never seem to respond

hate

...can change everything
...can bring us together
but use with caution...
or you could end up like me.

truth

tell me the TRUTH for once in your fucking life!
god,what more can i ask for?
am i too greedy?
oh...we were best friend (inseperable)
and now all i want is the truth?
how could i?
how callouse.
STOP LIEING To me!

boxes

pandora's box
laid low to the world
all our fears,regrets,
broken hearts, and lost bets.
how can i prove my love,
to a man who's heart is covered in a metal glove?
missmatched worded, cliched phrases
his actions differ with the moons phases.
given one wish;what would it be?
to fly to soar,popularity?
ask any girl ( or guy fof thatmmatter)
enamies or friends ;i 'd choose the latter.
if all that fell away; drama,tears,boys,lies
i'd wish for my friends
now some phony spies
who repoert a ll your fellings the mitnit you tell
for any of them: go to hell.
and afor all you friends who've stood by me when i need it most
to heck with this shitty ryming stuff
YOU GUYS FUCKING ROCK!

dance with me(not)

how do you express you feelings when someone says they love you?

how do you handle the rejection when they refuse to dance?

what are all theses feeling flying around my head that i cant explain?

but once we got in the car,and we started driving

i realized something.

"what?'

if i have my friends (who make me vomit sprite on them)

then im good.

*alex:sorry bout that by the way

hugh jackman

...IS THE SEXIEST MAN EVAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



im done now...thanks 4 the consideration

time

if it seems like im publishing alot
its cuz this may be my last chance to
no im not dieing or anything but
i just dont really feel like putting my feelings
out there so im getting rid of this blog.




another reason is my mom's hovering over me.
reading every word i've written...
cept for this statement.
bye

*twitch*

to all thoes broken hearts;
wish for everything,fly too the moon.
no matter what happens
hope will see u soon.

never loose faith
when life seems dim
nobody is stronger than you
and your love for him

i know this sounds corny
and pretty lame
i must have missed the kick off
if love's just a game.

play

for all you in the play( and for everyone who isn't; ignor this u won't understand)

ooo-tee-ting-tang-walla-walla-bing BANG!

me

hi guys!

im in best buy with nicole

and this computer rox!

alex:learn to dance!!!!!!!

emo boy: nicole sends some sort of affection in ways you wont want to miss.

whatever that means

the stupid movie theatre changed the times on the moves so...

were at best buy for a looooooong time1

THIS IS THE POST OF DOOM

thank you for your compliance.










carry on.